Steps to approach girls that you won’t be turned down

When you’re standing in that room, trying to work up the courage to approach a girl, it can feel like it would take an infinite number of steps to get you from your place to standing next to her and chatting.

In reality, though, it requires just 8 steps to solve the question of how to approach a girl. In just 8 steps you go from nervousness and future regret to a fulfilling conversation and future plans.

Just follow these steps and you won’t have any more post-event regrets. You’ll have a pocket full of numbers and a calendar full of meet up plans.

Here are 8 powerful steps to approach her:

1. Observe Her And The Situation

If you don’t know how to approach a girl, you can get the urge to just rush in and get it over with. This, to put it lightly, would be a major mistake.

Take a breath, take a step back from yourself and your nervousness, and take a moment to observe what is going on around you.

Look at the location. What is going on? Are people watching something on TV? What are they watching? Are you in a class? What class? Are you at an event? What event?

Store this information so you have ammunition for more communication later (see Tip 4 in Step 5).

Then, observe the girl. Don’t stare but take the time to check her out a bit. Who is she talking to? Is she interested in what’s happening? Is she alone? In a group? Is she staring at her phone?

You can use all this info to your advantage in planning the best moment to approach and the best conversation topics.


When she is looking at you from the other side of the bar, it can be easy to look away. That is why you need to know what to do when a girl looks at you. The answer is to smile and decide whether you should approach or not.

2. Plan Out An Intro

Now you have a bit of information to go on, take another moment to develop a plan. Physically approaching a girl is only one part of the whole approach process. You also need to have something to say when you get there.

If you don’t plan this, you can end up getting nervous right at the moment you want to look smooth and confident.

So, develop a planDon’t over-plan and try to come up with whole conversations in your head. Instead, focus on coming up with a few great conversation starters that you can use right off the bat.

Pick a few conversation starters that fit the setting and seem like she might like, then progress to Step 3.

3. Wait For The Right Moment

No matter the situation, there are better and worse moments to approach a girl.

Don’t approach if she’s busy. If she’s listening to a lecture, don’t approach her and try to start chatting. If she’s right in the middle of a conversation with a group, be very cautious about approaching (unless you think you’re running out of time).

The best approach moment is one in which she is alone or she’s not deeply involved in an activity or conversation

4. Approach Confidently When thinking about how to approach a girl, you probably won’t be surprised to find out that the actual approach is pretty important.

You may still be nervous at this point, but do your best to pretend you’re not. Confidence (though not cockiness) is always an attractive quality, and she’s more likely to be receptive to you if you come up looking sure of yourself.

To help manufacture some confidence, remind yourself that you’ve got some good conversation starters, you’ve picked a good moment, and all she can do is choose not to talk to you. It’s actually pretty low-risk.

Try to relax, see it as a playful test, and start a conversation in a confident voice.

When you want to speak to a girl, approaching her is the hardest part. The perfect moment never happens, so it’s best to look for signs of the perfect approach.

Before approaching her, make sure that she is not deep in conversation or, if you are anxious, make sure she is not in a big group. Remember, if you are too nervous to approach her on your own, you can always bring a friend for backup. Also, try and be confident (even if it is fake confidence) because once you approach her the rest is easy.

Once you have made that all-important first step, now you need to talk to her.


Want to know how to be confident around girls? This may be too easy but believing in yourself and realizing that you are a great guy is one of the best ways to boost your confidence. And new clothes, that always helps.


If you are quiet and unsure about how to talk to a girl, then you’ll need to know how to stop being shy around a girl. There is no magic spell that will help you be less shy, however, by visualizing your approach you can get rid of some nervous energy before you make your move.

5. Talk To Her

When it comes to the nervousness surrounding how to approach a girl, it mostly all comes from this step. Men aren’t unsure about physically approaching a girl, they’re unsure how to talk to girls they don’t already know.

The good news is that this process is as straightforward as the approach itself. If you just use the tips in this step, you’ll be able to have a full, fun, and fruitful conversation with any girl you’ve approached.

Here are 4 simple tips to talk to her:


The first tip is one you’ve already worked out. You should already have picked out a few conversation starters in Step 2.

These conversation starters should, ideally, cover a few areas so you have multiple chances to engage the girl you’ve approached.

Try something funny, try something deep, and try something a little on topic for the situation you both find yourself in.

So, you could ask her what world record she would break if she could break one, ask her what mantra she lives her life by, and then just ask her if she enjoyed the class she just had or if she has any recommendations for nights out in the area.

Put those in whatever order feels most comfortable and then let her engage in the topic she finds most interesting.


All of the above are questions, although conversations don’t have to be questions. The question aspect does add something to the approach though.

Add to your conversation starters list by adding some questions to ask a girl.

These can be direct add-ons to your conversation starters that let you dig deeper into the topic, or they can be whole new topics to work from.

Ask her about her day, about her recommendations for future classes you might take, or about her favorite TV show.

Asking questions shows you’re interested in what she has to say, so just angle them towards topics she seems interested in, and she’s sure to engage more with your conversation.


Questions are a great tool for simplifying how to approach a girl, but they have some limitations. Most importantly, they can be a little ambiguous about your intentions.

If you’re approaching a girl you like, and you want to communicate that clearly, add in some compliments for girls to lay it out there for her.

You can compliment her about anything, although the goal should be for the compliment to be well-received and not too personal this early on.

So, focus on some low-level appearance compliments like how nice her outfit is, or go for a compliment about her tastes after she discusses her favorite shows. You can also compliment her on how interesting she is once you’ve started talking.

The key here is to make the compliment noticeable without overstepping where you are in your conversation. Make it clear but not too personal, and you’re golden.


Now that you’ve approached her, used a conversation starter to get her talking a bit, asked her a few questions to draw her out, and complimented her to show your interest…what do you do next?

Don’t stress about a few drops in the conversation. Just fill them in with what you’ve already observed about her and the surroundings.

Ask her if she likes the bar or the school or what she’s eating. Comment on the show that’s playing in the background, or ask her for a review of the book she’s got sitting next to her.

These conversation bumps are natural and keep you talking. If you run out of observations and questions, just throw out a conversation starter you’ve kept in reserve.

6. Get Her Number

Once you’ve had a decent introductory conversation, you need to decide if you want this relationship to build from there.

If you like her, and she’s been receptive, solidify the option to continue talking by getting her number.

You may worry there’s a lot of steps behind how to get a girl’s number, but it really can be as straightforward as you want it to be.

If you can muster the courage, just ask for her number outright. You can also make a subtle excuse(such as wanting to learn more about her class or get some recommendations for TV shows) if you want to ease the stress of the direct request.

7. Suggest A Way To Meet Up Or Chat Again

When you get her number, don’t just leap for joy and run off. That would be a natural enough reaction, with all the relief and pride in your success, but stay where you are for a few more beats before you go celebrate.

Now you have her number, build on that moment by suggesting opportunities to meet up or chat soon.

This can be as simple as telling her you’ll text soon with a link to the video you discussed. Or, asking her if she’d like to hang out at a concert or movie soon.

Use topics in the conversation to construct this invitation. You don’t need to get a solid answer here, so don’t press too hard. Just let her know you’ll be using that number soon.

8. Figure Out An Exit Moment And An Exit Plan

Once you’ve got a number and set up a tentative continuation of your discussion, now is the time to beat it.

Pick a good moment, and a good excuse as you can, to end the conversation at a natural moment. If need be, make up a place to be. The key here is simply to choose the right moment so you avoid awkwardness.

At the next break in the conversation, just tell her you have to go and remind her you’ll text soon. Then, make a swift and confident exit.

Published by Ernest I.

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